More fun from the inbox

[ravensword]

I don’t post every crazy or stupid email I get…but I’m enamored of the crazy person who has emailed me at least once a day for well over a week now…the one and same who has given us the gems that have become my new rallying cries.

After all, she has provided me, and many of you, with hours of entertainment.

However, of late, the amusement has been waning and her daily email has provided less entertainment value. Until today.

Today’s installment in her seemingly endless tirade seems to cover such fun topics as my boobs, Steve’s new wife, Christian’s lack of wife, Riley not wanting my wife and…stuff I just can’t discern. Clearly my decoder ring got lost in the mail.



She opens with a traditional “You no special. No go see them. No go.” Nothing exciting there.

Then we get: “He not wanting you for the coming with his wife. He marry her because you not good. Not good you with fanciness and boots. Cover you chest. You not paid to show. “

So, somehow it’s my fault Steve got married this weekend….or something. My fancy boots caused it? My naked boobies?

Things take a side turn there. “Kane go away from you and you don’t see him no more with the woman he isn’t going to marry because you aren’t staking him no more.”

So clearly, if Christian is going to get married, I need to stake him.

Wait….what?

And then? “The other one goes all the way other so not to see you in the Dallas places where you shouldn’t be.”

I wasn’t really sure what that was about, but apparently she figured I’d need help: “I see you on the facebook saying you no come to the Riley’s fun time because you stake Steve with your boobies. He no need you. He no want you. He no want a wife.”

Um….okay? I mean, I don’t know Riley all that well, so how can I judge?

“You are doing it now. You mean ugly person. No one like you. NO ONE. Fat, ugly slut. No one be with you. Even you pay. You pay with moneys and moneys like that is wrong. You wrong. I brake you. I brake you camera. You no pictures. Hate you all of you all of you hated. No more you be there. No more. He marry pretty. Not you. You no special.”

I ….nope. I got nothing.

Anyone else want to take a stab at it?

Comments

[fufaraw]

Geez. It's like you're their hobby. I know it's sometimes dangerous *not* to be aware of the nastiness, but in your shoes, I think I'd just make a habit of "delete unread." Paying attention or ignoring--it's a tossup which gets them more torqued. But at least if you're not reading it it's not affecting *your* mood.

I'm sorry, you didn't really ask for advice. I'm just sympathetic and more than a little angry on your behalf.

[ravensword.livejournal.com]

It's okay. I don't ignore them, because I like to keep a finger on the pulse of crazy so I know when/if to call in the big guns.

Most of them get deleted, especially when she's on a tear like this one.8 days and counting.

She'll give up again soon....and months will go by until I hear from her again.

[digitalwave]

Wow! That's just a whole bag teeming with crazy right there. The creep factor is pretty darned high, too. And they harass you with notes like this daily? Yuck!

[ravensword.livejournal.com]

Not always, this is day 8 of an email a day though. Most a lot shorter than this one, and often less coherent. She'll fade away again soon...at least until the next time I post pictures of Steve, or Christian or Riley...though the Riley thing is new.

So, she'll be livid when I get home from Europe in the fall.

[digitalwave]

:)

[wandereringray.livejournal.com]

That made my brain hurt.

[ravensword.livejournal.com]

Right there with you.

[angstpuppy.livejournal.com]

And your hat.



Yeah, I got nothin'

[badfalcon.livejournal.com]

OK, I think I got it:
You're not allowed to have sex with Steve's wife. He's married her because you're charging him too much to flash your tits at him.
Christian isnt getting married because he's a vampire and you're the slayer - you've totes got a buffy angel thing going on.. dear god i hope he doesn't sparkle.
You're not having sex with Riley because you're staking Steve... wait, Steve's a vampire too? And your boobies are how to kill them?

Also, darling 'and your hat' lady - clearly Riley doesn't want or need ravensword - why would he when he's got me? *grins*

[ravensword.livejournal.com]

I think that's about the best translation possible

[ilikecrystals.livejournal.com]

I think maybe staking is supposed to be stalking :)

* scratches head *

But I can't figure out if this person wants to be with Steve Carlson or just doesn't want you to be.

[ravensword.livejournal.com]

I can't either. Your guess is as good as mine.

[marialuminous.livejournal.com]

"you stake Steve with your boobies"?

Wait, your boobies are sharp enough to stake someone with? Well, that explains why she wants you to "cover you chest"; you could hurt somebody with those!

[ravensword.livejournal.com]

Well, they ARE lethal weapons, you know? LOL

[charlies_dragon]

I just ... *cracks up IN THE OFFICE with TEARS OF LAUGHTER over this*

Umm, na, I got nothing either.

*wipes tears off face*

Oh jeez. Not the most helpful of replies but, well, it's a whole bundle o' crazy isn't it?!

[elebridith]

Well, I think Llama did a good translation. *nods* But... "cover your boobs. you not paid to show" is actually a good advice. Clearly she means that your boobs are so awesome that people should have to pay to see them. ...right?
Although, the threat to break you and your camera is not funny anymore.