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Today is not a bad pain day. In fact, I'm as close to pain free as I ever get, somewhere around a four or so on the 1-10 scale.

That said, I am fighting an increasing urge to binge eat. I'm an emotional roller coaster, three inches from tears at any given moment, six from a complete melt down. Part of it is delayed stress over the money situation, part of it is stress over the medical situation.

See, I haven't gone to get blood work in a while. Haven't seen my doctor in longer. I need to do both of those things. I even have the FSA money to do that. But, I know, that because of my money situation my eating hasn't been good and my sugar tells the tale. I know it's higher than it should be. And I really am trying.

But when the budget allows for my primary diet to be rice and ramen, well...

As it stands, I'm on my last refill for all of my meds. That means I HAVE to go in.

I really just need to bite the damn bullet and do it, take my lumps, etc.

However, that doesn't alleviate the stress, doesn't minimize my desire to stuff my face with anything and everything I can get my hands on.

I also need to go to the dentist and the eye doctor. I know this. I know all of this.

Actually making myself do it however is proving problematic. In fact, getting myself to leave the house at all right now is problematic. Every morning I have to talk myself into getting up and going to work. Every time I have errands to run after work, it's a battle. I just want to go home, lock the door and disappear until I have to leave again.

This is, of course, problematic also. I haven't seen friends in forever. And it isn't that I don't want to. It's that I can't bring myself to go to them. And my apartment is a disaster I can't seem to get around to cleaning. I force myself out to do one on one things from time to time, as long as I can do it on my way home from work (and not after I've already gotten home) or in the afternoon on a Saturday or Sunday.

I make plans for a few weeks out, because it's easier, but then spend the time in between thinking up ways to get out of it. And I really DO want to see people, I just...don't want to be out in the world....or something.

About the only thing that really gets me revving anymore is the opportunity to shoot or a gig. I keep hoping the photography thing will take off, but I'm not finding anyone who wants what I'm offering and that's annoying.

Though, speaking of gigs and photography...

I'm headed to Phoenix/Tucson in just over a month. I will be there for a Great Gig in the Sky gig at the Sail Inn in Phoenix on April 12, driving down to Tucson sometime on Saturday, and headed home from there. I am available to do photos if you are interested in portraits with a personal touch. Comment or email me (revamara at comcast.net) and we'll work something out.

For those that don't know, Great Gig is a Pink Floyd tribute band, lead by former Kane guitarist, Jason Southard. Ryan Baker, also from Kane's band, plays drums (and occasionally other things). Add in a fabulous keyboard player, an amazing guitar player, an adorable bass player and two AMAZING female vocalists along with random guest musicians, and what you have is an incredible group put together by Mick Treadwell, who was part of staging Pink Floyd's biggest tours. Jason's vocals will BLOW YOU AWAY.

There is room in the car for two more. Things to consider: We will leave my house at around midnight on Thursday, arriving in Phoenix around noon on Friday. We will drive home on Saturday night, departure time depending on the shenanigans that take place. There is a small possibility of stopping somewhere to sleep if we need to on the way back.

Also to be considered, we will be going down to Tucson on Saturday to visit my father, and my [livejournal.com profile] darling_lisa. Of course, you don't have to come with, we can drop you somewhere in Phoenix and pick you up on the way back through, understanding that it might be late. Driving time will be split between all licenced driver's in the car, though I'll likely do big chunks of it.

Costs are: Gas is about $300 round trip, so with 3 people, it's $100, with 4, it's around $75. Hotel room is about $120, so with 3, about $40, with 4 around $30 for the night in Phoenix. Not sure about cost for the second night if we stop somewhere. The club had reasonable drink prices last time I was there. We would need to eat before we go, because food choice nearby are not great...though there is a great little Mexican place I've been to before not too far from the club.

You will also have to be willing to deal with my... eccentricity about clubs and gigs. This means we WILL be getting there early. Show starts at 8, I will probably want to be done with dinner and at the club by 6:30 at the latest. I have reasons. If you're reading this, you probably know what they are. I'm not going to be too bad, considering I've been to the club before, but it is on a different stage this time, and I haven't been out back where that stage is, so there will be some anxiety until I'm actually there.

Well, that was way more words than I actually sat down to type.

Oddly, I feel a little better though. I'm always more focused when planning some event.

What about you?

What makes you feel more focused?
What helps you through the dark days?
What never fails to make it better?

Date: 2013-03-05 09:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] badfalcon.livejournal.com
firstly *huggles you tightly* so much of that I can relate to its scary - the going to the doctors, not wanting to leave the house, (but also really not wanting to be in this house omg get me the fuck out of here), the people thing...

1)what is this 'focus' you speak of? I have plenty at work but that's because I'm currently sorting out the mire that previous temps have left and I'm getting to the nitty gritty and balancing accounts and i'm such a freaking dork!
2) Usually it's getting online and talking to you but that's now stressing me out more because of the internets issues i'm having :(
3) "It's always good to see you baby" still works wonders :D


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